Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Why Does It Hurt?: Black Men and White Women

This has been a growing situation in our community, some may call it a problem, others may be open to the idea.  But all-in-all, a lot of Black women are getting worried that our men will disappear into that white cloud of the Kim Kardashians, and the Hedi Clums; the blonde hair, blue eyed crazy party girls; the well represented girls that take over commercials, and get their own television/reality shows.
Now what I would like to say to my Brothas is that, I personally, do not have a problem with it. . .in some cases.  And what I mean by some cases is that it depends on what the reason is for not choosing a Black woman.  In the beginning, I had a huge problem with this to the point where I couldn't as much as look at a Black man and a White woman when they were together in public.  Then I would play this game with my family saying, "oh, we lost another one."  Then it hit me: how can I have a problem with Black men dating White woman when I myself am attracted to White men?  So ever since then, I've come to terms with this going on, and had even made friends with a White girl that had a Black boyfriend in my high school.  She was really nice, and it was cool because I if you get to know a White girl before you know that she has a Black boyfriend, it really doesn't bother you, well me at least.
Then my Mom received an Essence Magazine in the mail with Reggie Bush on the front cover, and I really didn't think anything of it because after becoming hooked to Keeping Up  With the Kardashians, I saw how nice Kim was and really didn't care that her boyfriend was Black.  Then the next magazine that came, there was backlash toward Essence for letting him pose for the cover because of his interracial relationship which I thought, and still think, is ridiculous!  He's Black isn't he?!  And inside there was an article written by an angry Black woman who had her feelings broken when Black men turned her down to be with White or Asian women.  That article did nothing but anger me because not all Black men that date outside their race think they way that those men around her did! And I think that she should of seriously took a look at herself before she started blaming these men for her own dating woes!  There was one thing that made me look at their intentions a little bit differently: the thought of knowing that the reason why so many Black men are dating White woman are because they think so low of Black woman.
Yup, I've heard some of our Brothas downing us with the tired excuse that we are to demanding or controlling, and that we're this-and-that, attitude problems, all of that stuff.  Now, I'll have to admit that there are a lot of Black women out there that fit that description, but not ALL Black women do!  I myself am a principled young Black woman that believes that it is up to me to lift up my race, but never am I controlling or demanding.  If I am demanding, I only demand that a Man, no matter what race he is, would come along to treat me with the respect and love that I deserve.  If I have an attitude problem, it is only because someone has been deserving of my ill-respect because as the saying goes "treat others how you want to be treated".  But we can't be at all acting as if we are innocent; acting as if we do or did not stereotype the men that dated outside of their race because not all Black men who date White women think this way.  I have a couple family members of my own that have White girlfriends, and these men are some of the most respectful men that you'll ever meet.  The girl that I was talking about earlier, her boyfriend was very respectful and we developed a friendship as well.  He was so kind and giving that I couldn't of been mad at him at all.  They cared for each other (to the extent that a high school love can go) and who are we to tell someone that they can't be with someone that they care for when we, in fact, want that for ourselves?  Still. . . it hurts.
Jill Scott brought up something interesting in her article about why it hurts; she said that it was because of our struggle together through history.  So true, and this article didn't make me dislike the idea of Black men and White women, but it made me feel less guilty for feeling some hurt when it came to the subject.  See, we were brought here to this country by violent means, and have been degraded on our long journey to finally becoming "citizens".  We were beat together, we were sexually violated together, we were discriminated against together, and we marched toward equality together.  So do Black women have a right to be angry? Of course we do.  But do Black women have the right to be angry with a Black man because he chooses to love differently?  I choose to love all kinds of races.  I'm attracted to Asian guys, Indian guys, British guys, and White guys.  But in the end I will always put my Black Brothas before any other because of our history. . .our beautiful history.
Love Ya and always will!  Even if you may not love me back!

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